Are You Lopsided? I Am!


Hi Everyone!

It’s been a few weeks since my last post (I know you’re on the edge of your seat). My boyfriend and I took a two week holiday through the western part of the US. Last year we went to Argentina and the year before it was Thailand. There’s so much beauty in Northern America that we haven’t experienced so we decided to explore our own home front. We visited San Francisco, Yosemite National Park, Sonoma (wine country), Portland, and Seattle. It was great.

The good news — I didn’t gain any weight. I came back the same as I left. We built in a lot of hikes (some strenuous) so it balanced out my beer tasting and winery tours.

Now the weird thing. I got roped into a free spinal exam right before we left. The representative of the Chiropractor told me that my shoulders were off (she’s right) and that my head hangs to the right side. These are things I “sort of” knew deep down but never thought to do anything about. I was intrigued enough to do the office visit so I scheduled an appointment for 9am my first day back which was yesterday.

First, I was weighed on two scales side by side to obtain the weight of each side of my body. The girl said my left side was 9 lbs (4kg) heavier than my right. I’m thinking what in the hell?!? 9lbs! Then I realized something… it makes some sense. In my “before” pictures on this blog you can clearly see that my midsection is off and the left side is way way bigger. What the fuck, right? The reason they gave is that my left leg is a little shorter and my hips have to make up for the difference so the weight is distributed unevenly when I stand. WEIRD.

Then the Chiropractor comes in and does an exam. He says that he can fee different vertebrae that are off in my spine. I had explained my inability to shed pounds as of late and he says that one of my issue areas is where the brain communicates with the thyroid. I don’t know whether to believe him but I sure would like to at this point because nothing seems to be working.

Has anyone else experienced this? 9lbs is a lot to be “off”. I go back Thursday so that they can review my x-rays, posture pictures, and digital foot scans. From there they will recommend treatments. I’m obviously skeptical and don’t want to fall for a sham. I’ve read reviews for this place and people either love it or they think it’s a joke. Naturally I want to find out more about my body at the very least – I just wonder if anyone has heard of this before!?



Weightloss Is Sooooo Easy (eye roll)


It’s been about three weeks since I last posted. Why you ask (ha, I know you didn’t ask)? Well, it’s because I had a grand plan. I was going to diet and exercise meticulously to lose a bunch of weight and be proud to mark some progress. I was going to give props to the health and fitness professionals that say eat healthy and exercise on a reduced calorie intake and write about it.

Welp…it. didn’t. fucking. happen.

I’m not here to boo hoo myself but I’m certainly perplexed. I’ve had 24 full days of:

  • Using the MyFitnessPal app to track my food and strictly adhering to the calorie requirements
  • Weighing every morsel of food
  • Exercising (running, stair stepper, yoga, weights) 4-6 times/week
  • Eating as clean as humanely possible
  • Turning down invites to see friends, etc. in order to stick to the plan

Now, I’ve lost 4lbs from the original weigh in on 9/4. Some would say — that’s 4lbs — that’s great! Here’s the catch. I was on my monthly cycle and retaining a lot of water at the original weigh in. When that ended, three lbs fell off instantly. So, all in all I’ve lost somewhere around 1lb in the 24 days. I’m even somewhat skeptical of that lb since fluctuations do occur.

On 9/2 I had visited my doctor and she wasn’t sure why I wasn’t losing weight. She said I was doing everything right (and confirmed again today). She had suggested buying the food scale and even with that there’s no budging. She had told me to try Gluten Free + Dairy Free for awhile so I started that on 9/3 up until yesterday. So, I was doing reduced calorie and GF/DF diet. I wasn’t eating a bunch of the shitty chemical GF food either — just eating as clean as I could. It was very challenging to do Gluten and Dairy Free but I will say it helped me with some new healthy eating habits. I just wish I would see some scale progress!

My doctor has now referred me to a dietician and I should get a call next week. I REALLY hope insurance covers it. We leave Monday for a two week holiday through the western part of the US. I have a diet plan in place and I’ve packed oatmeal, almond butter packs, etc. for the road. We’ll be doing a lot of walking and hiking so I’m hoping it’s sufficient for exercise. If not I’ll find a way.

That’s what’s new with me! Although I’m stumped and discouraged, I’m not giving up! I’m going to see what the dietician says and also have my hormones checked when we’re back. My primary physician said it’s always good idea in the event there’s some imbalance occuring.

Sorry for being so quiet lately! I’m an asshole for that.

I look forward to catching up on all of your progress.



Where Do I Even Begin?


The mental process I went through to decide how to start losing weight has been exhausting. Seriously, exhausting.

Weight loss news and information is EVERYWHERE. Every damn commercial, magazine, Facebook ad, and blog post (ha) has some new AMAZING and LIFE CHANGING product for us to see and usually, open our wallets for. Even the god damn celebrities we follow are selling us shit. Sorry Jenny McCarthy, I’m not buying the fitness drink you said gives you energy to keep up with your son on Instagram. Fuck you and your colleagues for praying on us non-famous people. Enough of the bullshit brain washing. I’m done with it.

Have you ever heard of the phenomenon “analysis paralysis”? It happens when someone becomes overloaded with too much information that they sort of freak out and instead of taking action they do nothing. It’s more fucking stressful than I can describe. To have all of this weight loss and fitness information in front of my eyeballs and not do a god damn thing with it…. it’s one more thing to feel like shit about! That’s why I have had enough. It’s impossible for me to focus when I let all of that noise in my head.

So, where do I start? Here’s what I know to be true about weight loss and getting healthy. Burn more calories than I consume so that my body starts to use the fat reserves and I’ll start losing weight. That’s the ONLY WAY I know how to lose real weight where I won’t balloon back up. Any of these diets that promise the world are temporary to me. I know some of them work for the short term but then what the hell do I do after? I’m done with those fads and I need to start with the basics.

I used to work at Jenny Craig and I helped people lose weight. This is NOT an ad for them — I loved my time there and my clients but it was over 10 years ago. That experience has showed me that hard work pays off. I saw people lose some serious fucking weight — we’re talking 100+ lbs. It also showed me a bunch of lame ass excuses from those who weren’t really committed. I’m grateful for the experiences I had because it’s now easy for me to spot those same lame ass excuses when I tell them to myself. I wouldn’t even be here if I was honest with myself over the two years. Instead, I lied to myself over and over just like my clients did. Okay, maybe I didn’t just wake up chubby. Damn.

To start, I feel that it’s not about picking a diet or one of these fad options. I feel that to start you have to have a conversation with yourself. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. I’ve been having these conversations for the past week. Yes, it makes me feel like I have multiple personalities but it’s working. I now have accepted that I’m here. I NEED to lose weight. I won’t dwell on it too much because I need to stay positive but I have to acknowledge… NO ONE ELSE GOT ME HERE BUT ME. And now it’s time to get myself out. No more excuses and I’m going to call myself out on the bullshit. I’m now here and I’m ready to kick my fat’s ass (huh?).

I commit to being healthy first and foremost and look to lose weight through this learning process. As I mentioned in my first post, I have about 30lbs to lose. I know others have more but we all see the same struggles. Here’s why I commit to health as a priority over the weight loss. I now realize that this ONE FUCKING BODY is all I have. If I treat it like shit, I’ve lost out on more than I even know… my health suffers, I’m less happy, I’m less physically able, and as I age it’s really going catch up. So, I’m going to stop treating it like shit. I have one body and one life (that I know of) so I’m going to start treating it with respect instead of hating it for not being perfect.

I can make excuse after excuse but that gets me nowhere. I, like many of you, love food. I mean, really really love food. Like, I’m thinking about lunch while eating breakfast and so on… So, while I know I need to work on my relationship with food… I’m taking baby steps. I’ll start by making better choices with the food I do eat. I’m done with fast food. I’m not using food as a reward to losing weight anymore either. I’m also done drinking at the house. I used to have two glasses of wine and then damn it, a third glass because the first two were just too fucking yummy (and I was buzzed). No more.

As to what program I’m doing. I talked to my doctor about a 1200 calorie daily intake. Notice I didn’t say DIET. It’s a reduction in calories so that my body can start getting rid of the fat stores. I know I won’t fucking die on it so I’m going to stop being a pussy and acting like I am going to like I used to do… I just have to be smarter about those 1200 calories I consume. If I work out, I’ll eat more than 1200. The “starvation mode” is a real thing when you don’t eat enough so I’ll be cognizant of it.

I’ve tried this recently and it hasn’t worked so why am I trying it again? Because I was lying to myself on my real consumption amounts. I’m not letting myself off the hook this time so guess what? I bought a food scale. 4oz of meat or sweet potatoes will really be 4oz and not 9.5 ounces like I now realize I was really eating. I’m also logging every morsel in to have a record of what seems to work and what doesn’t. This program can save meals for easy tracking so that will help me. Again, not an ad, it’s just the one I chose and there are other good trackers out there too.

Today is the start of day 3 of this journey and although I wish this weight would just disappear, I’m excited to move into the future for once. I’m tired of beating myself up for gaining the weight. It’s only positive thoughts from here on out. I know I’ll  have a bad day here or there but instead of saying “fuck it” and sabotaging the rest of the day, I’ll suck it up and get back on the path I’ve set for myself.

If you have any feedback or questions, I’m happy to take them! I look forward to sharing my story with you and learning more about your experiences too! Now, let’s get to fucking work.

Welcome! Ready to Lose Weight? I Am Damn It!


As my first post I’d like to welcome you and tell you a little about why I am here. As a disclaimer, if you don’t like profanity, this site will not be for you. You should run. I warned you….. fuck-shit-ass. I told you.

I live in Chicago and I’m 31. My weight has always fluctuated about 15 lbs and it’s just something I accepted. I’ve always been around the “healthy weight range” and whenever I started to creep up, I’d bust my ass to lose the weight. At 5’5 I’m most comfortable between 135-140 lbs because I’m busty and naturally a little curvy. My lowest weight was 119 lbs at 20 years old (breakup diet) and my highest was 154 lbs until now. I’m now 168 lbs and I’ve just thought, “my scale must be broken!”. After beating myself up over the weight gain and wondering where this fucking fat came from, I started seriously thinking about it and decided that I want to share my experiences with you. I know I’m not alone in this struggle.

We all have different shapes and sizes. Some of us have more to lose than others. That doesn’t mean we can’t say bye-bye to our fucking fat and get healthy together! To the mommy and daddy readers, I love you too. I myself don’t have children but most of my friends do and I can see how much responsibility they have and how their personal time is very limited. So, whether you have 15 lbs or 200 lbs to go, you have zero kids or six kids, you have health issues or not, I encourage you to stay with me.

Here’s a snapshot of my thoughts and activities in the past few weeks:

  • Fuck, I’m going to need to wear pants again soon (end of summer)
  • Lucky skinny bitch over there with her high ass metabolism.
  • Maybe I have a medical problem like hypothyroidism (I don’t)
  • Maybe there’s a cleanse I can do (not for 30 lbs.)
  • Diet starts tomorrow and this time I’m serious -but- I need a “last meal” (enter BK parking lot)
  • Are those tits on my back? What the fuck…
  • I’m not buying any more damn fat clothes and I mean it!

As a yo-yo dieter, I’ve had a few of these thoughts for years. I’ve had all of the reasons (excuses) one can dream up. I’ve lied to myself over and over and I’ve gotten very good at it. I now realize that the ONLY person that can lose the weight is me. I’ve also realized that I can’t expect change without making a change. Profound shit, right? So, if you’re interested in losing some serious fucking weight with me and getting healthier in the process, stay with me. As a working professional, I hesitate to put my “before” pictures up (taken this afternoon) but I assure you, they are coming.

Please note, I am NOT a health or fitness professional. I’m just a girl who has had too much wine, cheese, and burgers and I’ve “earned” a serious spare tire! I’m embarking on this journey personally but I think with a little tough love and support, we can kick fat’s ass together! What do you say?